Rules of life

* The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller’s Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner’s Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair:
The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

* Law of Business Meetings:
If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary – If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.

* The Grocery Bag Law:
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Yeager’s Law:
Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.

* Lampner’s Law of Employment:
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

* Quile’s Consultation Law:
The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.